Dog Birthday Party for Humans

The subtitle of this post is The most ridiculous thing I have ever done intentionally. Or, The destruction of dogs’ self esteem

Today, April 1st, is Swoozie Louisa’s 8th birthday.

swooze1You’re probably thinking, dang, Swoozie looks so much like Lassie right here. And you are right.

Just in time for Swoozie’s birthday, inspiration struck. I jumped on Pinterest and looked up dog birthday cake. Pinterest didn’t let me down. Imagine it, pictures of adorable dogs staring intently at their very own birthday cakes.

Ah, anthropomorphism, how I love thee.

Naturally, I wanted such pictures of Swoozie, on this, her 8th birthday. Then I thought that the births of Ebby and Baby MertMert should also be celebrated on this day. We don’t know their real birthdays, so we might as well make April’s Fool’s Day a gala. That is how Swoozie’s party came to be known as Pug Birthday.

I scoured the internet to find the perfect cake for the dogs. The company I ended up going with was really great. I even got a text asking me when I wanted my dog cupcakes. My response was something along the lines of “As early as possible, but this is not urgent.” I wonder if there are ever urgent dog cake situations?

My only complaint with ordering the dog cupcakes online was that when they came in the mail, they were clearly marked as such:

label

I would have preferred the kind of discretion you get when you order other embarrassing items, like sex paraphernalia.

Regardless, the cupcakes turned out adorable. 

cupcakes

Of the three dogs, Ebby was the most stoked about his birthday party.

Ebby

Ebbytongue
Ebbyw=bw

Mertle was less thrilled than Ebby. She might have been scared of her birthday, actually. I guess she didn’t get the memo that this was a party.

mertscared

mertfire

mert3

And Swoozie. Swoozie hated her birthday. She wouldn’t even look at her dog cupcake, let alone stare at it intently like the Pinterest dogs. Darn it, Swoozie, stop crushing my Pinterest dreams.

swwozie

ebbswooze

In the picture below, notice how Swoozie, on the left, is turned away from the cupcake, as though she can’t bear the sight of it. Mertle looks completely depressed. At least Ebby is happy.

thethreeAfter I was done torturing the dogs at the table, I moved the party to the backyard.

swoozeballoon

brentmertBy this point, neighbors were coming out to stare, so we did not decorate Ebby with balloons. Next year, Ebby, next year.

Considering that today is a holiday around these parts, I wish you all a very merry Pug Birthday.

cuppy

 

 

 

 

 

8 Comments on Dog Birthday Party for Humans

  1. Rita
    April 1, 2014 at 2:13 am

    What more can be said?

    • Sarah
      April 3, 2014 at 12:13 am

      ha ha, not much, I don’t think. Poor, tortured dogs. Pug Birthday is now one of my favorite holidays :)

  2. Sydney R.H.
    April 3, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    I love so many things about this post. Mostly, I love the pictures and how much emotion you were able to capture from the dogs. Very Merry Pug Birthday to you, Sarah!

    • Sarah
      April 21, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Thank you for the season’s greetings :) Generations to come will tell the story of the first Pug Birthday. It will be like Jesus being born, only better because there will be pugs. You will definitely have a place in the mythology.

  3. James
    April 20, 2014 at 12:13 am

    This was hilarious. I especially like the experienced sentence, “I would have preferred the kind of discretion you get when you order other embarrassing items, like sex paraphernalia.” , because it tells us all that you have in fact become quite familiar with the ordering of sex things.

    • Sarah
      April 21, 2014 at 11:08 pm

      it’s true! And you better believe the return address doesn’t say “Anal beads for asshole.” But for most sex stuff, I go to Big Lots. Even pocket penises fall off the truck every now and then.

  4. jackie
    May 9, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    oh my gosh, i’m dying. i am always trying to force my dogs in pinterest perfect poses and they are the worst models. i laughed out loud at all the photos of swoozie purposefully NOT looking at her cupcake. pugs are such little jerks haha.

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  1. […] In honor of Swoozie’s 8th birthday, I threw a birthday party for all three dogs. Well, truthfully, the party was all for my delight. I’m sure the dogs would […]