This post is dedicated to my love Brent, who volunteered to write my blog post last night when I was so tired.
Today Brent asked me if anyone has ever made a decent horror movie about Thanksgiving.
You might be thinking, “Why would Brent be asking this? Has he been in a coma since the dawn of the motion picture? Gosh, it’s kind of inappropriate that Sarah would marry a one-hundred-plus-year-old coma patient. Oh well, who am I to judge? As long as Sarah didn’t put a ring on it while it was still in the coma, then I guess Brent’s rights weren’t infringed upon. Boy, Brent sure must be amazed by automobiles…”
No need to think about all that. Brent knows much more about horror movies than I do and he was simply posing a rhetorical question. But it got me thinking about how to make a solid Thanksgiving horror movie.
My Thanksgiving Horror Movie pitches
1. Time-Traveling Killer Puritans - Man, are they pissed at how much people dance these days!
2. When the Turkey Carver Howls - What happens when the person carving the turkey wants to carve…you?
3. When the Turkey Carver Howls, Part 2 – Some holiday traditions just can’t die.
But seriously, sharp knives are a big part of Thanksgiving. All those turkeys have to be carved. And people are way into ceremonious carving. Who’s to say that the dead turkey’s flesh that is being cut up wasn’t infected with, oh, I don’t know, pure evil? While carving the turkey, the pure evil infects the T.C.’s bloodstream by way of a small cut on the hand. And then, chaos ensues.
4. Black Friday: The Consuming - Where the good guys are the department store workers and the bad buys are the consumers. Or, if we can get Walmart or Target to back the film – Where the good guys are the consumers and the corporate execs, and the bad guys are the greedy workers who are demanding more than they deserve.
That’s all I’ve got so far and if I’m being honest with myself, none of these are brilliant ideas. But I’ll keep thinking on it and who knows, maybe someday I will write a killer killer Thanksgiving movie.